Tenacity - the power of meditation - Tee’s heart breaking yet endearing journey to meditation

I cannot remember my twin girls first words or their first steps, our play was always gentle, our home peaceful. I am thankful for photos of the time, as seeing four smiling faces lets me know I did a good job and more importantly seeing them today now grown gentle, kind and emotionally aware makes me proud. But back then in 2006 the circumstances were dire, doctors unhelpful, I was navigating the world hour by hour as day by day was way too long. It’s a long story and no doubt a book there... Tenacity... that's what a friend told me I had running through my veins, that inner light which refused to go out.

TTaylor

I was desperately ill having suffering a minor stroke, then a DVT, following a hemorrhage at the twins birth, this triggered chronic hemiplegia migraine with persistent aura and put me in status migraine for just under six years - yep a migraine 24/7 with constant aura and headache for years!

I deemed I was failing; my body and mind would not let me be me.... I had been taken away from me right at a point in life where I needed to desperately to be me to nurture four... yes four kids under five, my city career and every dream I ever had was gone, for a year my only goal was to get out of bed and have a bath and not a shower, I failed day after day... I was house bound, my bedroom becoming my sanctuary...friends were miles away... I was taking things not day by day... But hour by hour... But something kept me going.

Yet I'm thankful ... I have learnt so much going on that journey and I got to see my kids every single day. Over the years the change in medications brought with it many side effects, in those days there was not a single medication purely for migraine, everything was trial and error. On one I was suicidal, another became underweight and on another over weight, on another unable to stay awake, I used to set an alarm to get up and and get them ready for school. My now ex-husband took them in as driving was out the question, I then fell back into bed, setting an alarm to make sure I was awake for them coming home, I was only awake for 5.5 hours a day but every minute of that was spent with them. At my lowest I was unable to coordinate a knife to cut a cucumber… or decide what type of bread we needed, but we played gently and often created (mess truly does make memories), watched films I could not follow, had dinner.. bath... story time... and of course cugs... (a twin word meaning half a cuddle and half a hug) I made sure I was there for almost every bedtime... after which I immediately fell back into bed... that was life for a few years. But I was always there when they woke and when they went to bed.

I had truly learned to appreciate the small things, the scent of a rose, the blueness of the sky, small insects, cobwebs, the sound of laughing children.... Rainbows always make me smile.... one of my most treasured memories is one day when it was raining, that lovely warm summer rain... my girls were 5 or 6 and dressed in fairy costumes, they bounced happily laughing on the trampoline in the rain as I stood watching, then together as only twins can, they both slipped and fell... that split panic second from me.... for them both together shout RAINBOW!! as they lay there giggling in the warm summer rain pointing up to the rainbow in the sky, filling my heart with joy... I was still there to see my two precious daughters, as only a month previous I had been suicidal from a side effect of one of the medications I was trying.

I knew inside me that the thoughts I was having were not my thoughts, and that inner tenacity was enough to make a call to my consultant who was at that precise time looking for 100 patients to trail Botox. A now approved NICE treatment for migraines and one of my turning points to recovery.

One of the other more pinnacle turning points was when a doctor gave me some advice – to stop pushing – and he was right I was pushing to be me again. I was a completer finisher running large complex marketing projects for PWC before this, and now I could not decide which bread to have or control a knife. The damage had obviously been in my frontal lobe as decision making and planning had gone.

His advice was “whatever I did today for 5 minutes I was to do tomorrow for 5.5 minutes, learn to meditate and play poker!” Poker is another story, but the advice to slow down stop pushing and learn to mediate was the best advice I have ever had. I learnt to say no and to leave things half done. I understood my brain was damaged and needed to reroute. As he explained I had a ‘wonky gate’ in my brain and then the firing neurons reached this gate, it had no idea where to send them, so it sent them all over the place and hoped for the best! They call this brain fog when you cannot think straight and your body does not do what it is supposed to do - I still visualise an old farm gate inside my brain all old and hanging off at a hinge :/

So; my journey of meditation started, and I discovered there are many types of practices and some I was already doing naturally, especially open focus mediation, which is now more commonly known as mindfulness – I truly did see the small things in life and enjoyed the present moment - I had lost my planning abilities so being in the now was where I spent a lot of time naturally. I appreciated every day I was here.

My mum often accompanied me on the courses, some of which were strange, some funny and others enlightening, I remember sneaking out of a one day course at the break with her as we could not stop laughing, neither of us could understand the lady leading the course apart from one word which she repeated a lot “Happppiiieeee”. Still makes me smile as it was the only word I needed to hear. So from every course, retreat and meditation circle I learnt something and started to practice different forms at home twice a day regularly. TM in the mornings and breath focus in the evening. With guided meditations thrown in at night. I learnt very quickly I could bring my pain levels down.

Meditation is a practice and you need to practice on a regular basis and the more I switched my brain off the more it healed, slowly, slowly, slowly' I was able to switch it off completely, reaching bliss, nothing, Havana whatever you wish to call it, but it's a state of nothing from which you only know you have been once you come back. I studied how the brain works and even acquired a Muse monitor to track my brain waves scientifically. The whole journey has been fascinating on how one can still operate with brain damage, and take natural steps to help it reroute.

Something inside is propelling me to share this with the world, to empower other struggling mothers and fathers, and those fighting chronic illness, to see they are doing a bloody good job... And from dire circumstances you can prevail - but also to give them Rainbow Breath as a gift to give their kids... So these tools are learnt before they are needed not after.

I have already empowered many souls and given them the gift of emotional intelligence balance via meditation and mindfulness so I understand my purpose… but if that number becomes thousands, then I am blessed. My overall wish is to equip children with these skills before they are needed.

By age four, most children start to use strategies to eliminate disturbing external stimuli. In other words, they cover their eyes when they're scared and plug their ears when they hear a loud noise. It's not until age 10 that children consistently use more complex strategies for emotional self-regulation.

The brain finishes developing and maturing in the mid-to-late 20s. The part of the brain behind the forehead, called the prefrontal cortex, is one of the last parts to mature. This area is responsible for skills like planning, prioritising, and making good decisions.

Yet we expect our kids to be able to navigate the world with emotional intelligence as young as 6 with no training... No wonder 1 in 6 children today have a mental health condition.

But there are simple strategies we can teach our children in order to equip them with inner resources for self-awareness and positive thinking.

Such as building self-esteem and empathy, balanced with inner peace, practical physical strategies which empower our kids to be themselves yet aware of world around them.

Mindful kids, empowered kids, resilient kids, Rainbow Breath Kids

Which is exactly where the meditation Rainbow Breath came from, the awareness that my own child was emotionally struggling. It’s truly hard to watch your 7-year-old child go through the trauma of sadness, anxiety, worry, to the point that they cannot sleep, for the thoughts of having to face the same situation at school the next day.

Sleep is so key to restoring your energy in order to deal with coming situations - we all know how that feels - a ‘monkey mind’ that will not shut up so we can get that desperately needed sleep in order to renew our energy, renew our resilience in order to face the next day which we know brings a repeat of the trauma of today - no sleep - no energy - no resilience - negative thoughts - what a downward spiral that brings. We as adults struggle with this. So, watching my beautiful empathetic giving daughter struggle to calm her monkey mind to enable her to sleep was heartbreaking. Something she needed desperately to do in order to face a bullying situation at school the following day. Yes, I can get involved with the school and the parent of the child (and I did) but right now my child needed to sleep, and sleep at peace.

And right there came the Rainbow Breath... I sat with her and taught her about her most beautiful inner power.... her breath... the key to enable her to balance her thoughts, feelings and actions.

I guided her through a simple visual breathing exercise to imagine the colours of the rainbow, which she has now encouraged me to write down and record.

And she just called me from school as I write this after coming out of an exam now aged 17... and I'm in tears... slow weeping happy tears... as she told me she breathed to calm her-self through the exam but could hear my voice reading to her 😊

Rainbow Breath didn't come from a psychology degree; it didn't get passed on as I had learnt it, it came as a mum from my heart and soul to hers.

Over the years I have witnessed the impact breath control, mindfulness and meditation can have on others and myself and that is the only gift I wish to give to others.

Tee

The Rainbow Breath mediation is available FREE on our website

www.RainbowBreathKids.com or Youtube